My Mommy

My mom and I didn't always get along while I was in high school and there were countless times that we both said "One day we won't be together! College is going to happen! Then you'll be sorry you treated me like this!"...Haha. Looking back on these times we now laugh at the trivial things we fought about. She is one of my best friends now. I call my mom everyday, sometimes twice a day to ask for dating advice, tell her about upcoming tests and assignments I'm concerned about, and just to say hi because I miss her voice. The mom I grew up with was bullet proof. She knew who she was and managed to take care of herself while also taking care of everyone else. My mom has never left the house without full make-up and the woman dresses to kill. She's a fabulous cook and the cleanest person I've ever met. The perfect wife and mom.
In December if someone had asked me to describe my mom, they would have received this response in the present tense...Today if someone asked me to describe my mom, I would have to make a few adjustments. I got a phone call about a week after Winter Semester started from my mom. She told me that she had been diagnosed with severe anxiety and the doctor had decided she needed to be medicated. It took me a long time to process that information. The idea something could be wrong with my mom was ludicrous. If there was something, I would have noticed it. Right? Apparently not. After this revelation about my mom's mental health, I quickly started noticing subtle signs that we had missed. She had no desire to shop. She had mentioned this over Christmas Break. I thought it was because she shops like...EVERYDAY! She was burned out! Turns out she couldn't handle the crowds of people. She was losing insane amounts of weight. If l called her while stressed, instead of calming my nerves she would become panicked herself. The biggest red flag was when I told my mom I would be staying Spring and Summer semesters. She was incredibly upset, on the verge of tears. She begged me to reconsider because she misses me and can't handle having me so far away--I'm from Draper, 30 minutes away. Wait, what?! My mom was asking me to take a break from school so that I could be with her? That was the day I realized that this was not the woman I had grown up with. I worry about her constantly, not only because I love her but because I have three younger siblings. It makes me very sad that they don't have the mom I was so lucky to have. I hope her medication works and that she can someday snap out of it...if not though, it's something we will have to adjust to and keep loving her.