Saturday, February 19, 2011

Week 7: I know it's too late, but why not?

I understand I missed the opportunity to do this post twice now, but this song has been on my mind lately. Or rather my mind has been on this song lately. So I apologize if this is mere annoyance to you. I ask your forgiveness.

Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

Sleep well(x4)

You have stolen
You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

As this post no longer holds any weight for the class, I don't really know how much analyzing is going to happen. But I'll talk about it for a while and why I've been thinking about this song a lot.
I don't know if everyone knows this feeling, but I'm sure a few of you do. It's that intense frustration that comes from being strongly attracted to someone but you are restrained from expressing it. Literally, it feels as if my metaphorical heart has been stolen. I know the irony of that sentence, don't worry. I can't like this Someone right now, and I don't want to; I'm really not looking for any relationship deeper than friendship. The worst part is that I'm pretty sure I talked myself into this hole. You know how you think you might feel something and then you tell someone that you might feel that way, and the mere act of saying you might feel that way propelled that feeling from 'I think I might like her' into 'I can't stop thinking about her?' Yeah, that's what happened. And now, the more you talk about it, the deeper the emotion runs, but if you don't talk about it you'll implode. You wish you could go back in time and stop yourself from saying to your friend 'I think I might like her' and thus prevent this cyclical torment. Unfortunately, you can't, so you're stuck drowning in affection for this person, while she continues unabated (to the best of your knowledge) living life happily. Eventually, frustration turns into irrational anger. You feel angry at your Someone because they're so attractive to you emotionally, spiritually, physically while you remain trapped in a glass prison of your own emotions. And in the cinematic metaphor she comes over to your glass prison, phases through the glass, reaches into your chest and pulls out your heart and leaves the prison. But you can't follow her out. And so you're stuck.

Whew. Sorry about that. Super personal. I don't know if I'll actually end up posting this. We'll see. That was incredibly cathartic.

So yeah, that's been the inside of my brain for a short while. I apologize if anyone is frightened by it. Sometimes I am, but honestly it makes for an interesting life. I'm rarely bored. "Poo-tee-weet" i suppose. I've decided that I will post this because 1) I remember someone in class saying it'd be cool to get to know one another through this blog, 2) I'm pretty sure I recall Ms. Roper saying something about it being okay to post non-class related things if we so desire, and 3) I'm sure some of you can relate to this and it's nice to know you're not the only one. Oh, and 4) if anyone has been in this situation and has any advice for me, that be SUPER awesome of you. Thanks!

3 comments:

  1. This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I'm so glad you posted it! As for the girl situation...I think we've all been there at one time or another. Depending of the reason that you can't like her...premish? Does she have a boyfriend?...I think you should forget it and just like her. Easier said than done haha. Sorry. Or at least let her in on how you're feeling even if you know nothing can come of it.

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  2. Thanks for posting, even if it is "too late." I think it's very powerful to articulate your emotions and share them, and comforting to know that you're not the only one who has ever felt that way--that's the great thing about music, I think; it's very connective. Same with literature. It's all about not being alone.

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  3. Jessica: the reason I can't like her - or rather can't start a relationship with her - is because I prayed about it and my answer was to wait until I got back from my mission to do anything about it. Liking her in itself is fine, it's just frustrating. Incredibly so. Thank you for your advice!

    Ms. Roper: No problem. I never thought about music or literature like that... I kinda imagine music and reading as solitary activities. I like your perspective. Thanks!

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