An image from the past couple of days that has stuck in my mind was the first dead person I have seen. I was at my great-grandmother’s viewing, and I wasn’t planning on going through the line and seeing her because that isn’t how I wanted to remember my beloved Grandma Great. But my family was waiting for me to go through the line and I felt pressured to do so, so I did. I walked in the room and I instantly felt nauseous. The lights in the room were dimmed and there was a serious and formal feeling in the room. Emotions were high. There was an odd, unrecognizable smell that made my stomach twist and turn. I slowly walked across the room. I tried to divert my eyes to anything but the casket. There were beautiful flower arrangements, which seemed much too cheerful for such a sad occasion. I walked over to some family members to give them a hug and I accidentally got a glimpse of my great-grandma. It was awful. Don’t get me wrong, she looked beautiful, but it still was disturbing and upsetting to me. It is an image that I don’t think I will ever forget—her lifeless body, her perfectly manicured hair and makeup, her hands folded unnaturally on her chest, her body laying as still and cold as a rock. The normal smile on her face and sparkle in her eyes were gone.
I remember this because it was the first deceased person that I have ever seen in my eighteen years of life on this earth. I also remember it because it was somewhat traumatic and because I have a lot of emotions attached with this image. I remember the feelings that I felt as a stared in the casket, fixed in a trance, realizing that it was real. Her death finally hitting me as tears began to well up in my eyes and stream down my face. This image reminds me of the fragility of life. One day someone is here, and the next day he or she can be gone. Although this image represents sadness and grief, it also represents happiness because I know that families are eternal and that we will one day be reunited.
I am so sorry, Nicole. I remember my first funeral and how it made me feel. It is truly awful. I was only 9 when I went to my great-grandpapa's funeral. I just could not understand why he looked so unreal and kind of unnatural. I have been to many funerals now, and even though they get a little easier, it is still hard. But it's easier knowing our loved ones are in a better place. I know it's cliche, but it's true, and it can be really comforting to know that.
ReplyDeleteWow.. I totally felt what you were feeling when I read this.
ReplyDeleteIt took me back to my own grammy's funeral.
I didn't want to remember her like that either.
But now I do.
Im so sorry.
Yeah it is never pleasant to see and go through funerals. All of my grandparents are dead and I still can't stand going to funerals. Even though you know that they are in peace, it is still heart-wrenching to see someone deceased. You did great in creating certain emotions in your writing. I am sorry you had to go through that!
ReplyDeleteYou reminded me of seeing my Grandpa almost a year ago. I'm so sorry that you had to go though that. They never seem to look like the same person. Their spirit, which truly made them who they are, is gone. Your emotions rang out through your writing.
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