Pet peeves are an inextricable part of a person’s personality: they’re human. For my fashion and individual spotlight conscious best friend spotting someone with the same shirt or article of clothing is particularly infuriating. My mom can’t stand it when we correct small mispronunciations that are easily overlooked. And my supervisor at work is very particular about having the money in the cash register all facing heads up and the organized in the same direction. Me? I get super irritated when someone tells me not to ask questions or uses the even more aggravating alternative, “Because I said so.”
We learn about our world by asking questions and seeking answers - it has even been proven that inquisitiveness is akin to intelligence. So, if questions are so essential to our survival and purpose here on Earth (to learn and grow) then what right does another fellow human being, especially a friend or family member, have to deny you the right to ask them? I hate the patronizing tone often used or implied, particularly when a male friends says something like, “Don’t ask questions, woman!” Excuse me? It makes me grit my teeth every time, and I either quit the conversation or continue asking in an annoying manner.
Now, perhaps many parents would assert their right to use the phrase “Because I said so” since they are more experienced. But I think they underestimate their child’s level of understanding and overestimate their obligation of blind obedience. Why not take the time to explain the situation on the child’s unique level and avoid their unavoidable resentment or disobedience. Every time a child asks a question parents have the responsibility to take the opportunity to educate, rather than disregard them as an untimely disruption.
In short, the refusal to answer questions denotes cowardly laziness. It is almost never the asker’s fault, but falls on the shoulders of the won’t be answerer. “I don’t know” or “let’s find out” are perfectly acceptable answers - at least they are making a purely honest effort. And that’s all I’m asking: that people don’t ignore or brush off questions, but do their best to answer them in a way that would similarly satisfy them had they asked. It’s a common courtesy and horribly rude to ignore or patronize someone because one feels superior or won’t take the time. Anyway, that’s my pet peeve.
Wow, that is not cool that someone told you not to ask questions because you are a woman, I hope they were joking. I can relate when you say that it is upsetting to be turned down when you have a legitimate question, but it generally has not happened to me as of late. I would say that anyone our age (or older) that still uses the "because I said so" line needs to grow up a bit. It is as if they know nothing of what you are asking about. As adults most of us have developed a sense of why certain functions or rules are present and if you have no idea why you carry these out, why are you doing it?
ReplyDeleteI think that most people who use "Because I said so" are compensating for their own insecurities. Because they haven't built up their authority through legitimate means they have to bluster about looking authoritative, particularly using age as an excuse to do this. While it's true that with most people age comes wisdom, if you were truly wise you could give an answer to a person's question. Even if it were a gentle "I know this doesn't make sense to you right now, but you'll have to trust me on this" I think that does much more to build a person's ethos and make them a true authority figure, someone who can be trusted.
ReplyDeleteI also think that there is never anything wrong with asking questions, and that there is ALWAYS an answer. To me this comes back to the gospel, where some people are afraid to ask or answer difficult questions about the gospel. In my mind, there is no question that is too difficult, and I think our faith increases by asking honest questions even when the only answers we can find or give are, as you've mentioned, "I don't know yet, but I believe I'll find out someday" or "I don't know but I believe there's a good reason." Through questions our faith is tried but we ultimately learn and grow and progress far more than we would otherwise.