It is an interesting thought that only five years ago I was JUST entering into my freshman year of high school and I had so many expectations for what the future would be like. The future for me then was filled with great expectations and although my life is amazing how it is, those moments never really happened the way I foresaw them to be.
One of my initial thoughts was that I would have my life plan already mapped out for me. I believed it would just suddenly become apparent to me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and let me tell you, that is not the case at all. Becoming a car designer was my fantasy job back then and now it is not. I have no idea what I truly want to become and that is a little upsetting as well as discomforting. It does not help at all that schooling now is optional and to attain more of it requires holes to be placed in my wallet that look as if they will never patch themselves. I have to try even harder now to get good grades so that I may prove to my teachers and future employers I am a worthy option. Someone should have prepped me for this a little more.
Another thought I had about being older is I would feel older and become bigger in stature. While some of this holds true, drastic changes have not occurred. I pictured myself over six feet tall at this age, yet I have grown a few inches. I imagined myself to exhibit mature decision making skills however I still buy things when I shouldn’t spend cash. While physically I have changed a bit, internally I feel the same age. Playing capture the flag, watching Disney movies and doing anything else childish still is fun for me. All those seniors I used to think were so old and wise in high school are still that, old and wise. I have moved up in age physically but mentally I am still the same Alex. It is a weird concept but I am pretty sure that it is one that everyone is going through.
Growing older seemed like such a big event at one time of my life but now that I am passing those age milestones the allure has been lost a bit. Turning eighteen definitely came without the pomp and circumstance I once believed it would give me but that is okay. Living life where things change constantly it is good to know that I will stay the same no matter what happens.
I totally agree with everything you stated in this post. I remember looking at my older siblings when they were going into college and thinking "wow, they are so old!" I honestly never thought I would get this far. And now that I am a freshman at college, I feel so little compared to my siblings when they were my age. Just like you, I am definitely a kid at heart, and I never wanted to grow up. I told my dad almost every day when I was little, not to worry because I would never grow up. I don't know how it happened, but here I am today...sitting in the library of BYU studying for college classes! Life goes by so fast, so just enjoy the ride and make every second count. That's what I've learned over the past 18 years, and I am sure will learn much more over the rest of my life!
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty interesting how thorugh time we still stay the same person. I was always afreaid that when I got older I'd become some lame nerdy workaholic. Now I'm a workaholic but I think I'm actually pretty cool. I do lots of awesome stuff and best of all I no longer worry about if I'll be good enough to make all my wildest dreams come true. Now I'm seeing that as you get older you really stay the same person and you can become a better and better version of yourself. I love every moment of studying for hours in the library, something I never expected would happen. I look back and I see I used to be really lazy, but now I'm still all the good things that I used to be but now all the bad things have been replaced with bigger and better things. It's really awesome knowing that nothing can change you but yourself.
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